During the summer vacation, I don’t know if I should consider it good news, Xu Jiamu broke up.
He didn’t say it himself, but his avatar was replaced. The deleted circle of friends, and the deleted signature were all too obvious.
I am ashamed of the little joy I felt when I saw that. I knew he really liked that girl and he was in a really, really low mood recently, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t suppress myself from feeling happy.
Just once, I will be a despicable person once, and feel happy for a while.
I gradually got back in touch with him frequently, but in the end, it was still different from before. The so-called often was just that he would occasionally recommend a few books for me. And when I was under too much pressure from preparing for the college entrance examination, he would enlighten me.
What did that sentence say? – “The friendship between gentlemen is as light as water”. Xu Jiamu and I are probably in this state now.
Right at the top of the blackboard, written in striking font “__days left until the college entrance examination”, and the number changed from 100 to 10 and then to 0.
When I walked into the examination room, my mind was filled with things like “trigonometric functions”, “magnetic fields” and “acid-base salts”, but there was only one sentence in my mind the second I walked out of the examination room.
“I’ll wait for you in Shanghai.”
I looked at the blue sky above my head and the long white clouds, and looked at the review materials that were thrown into the air, and suddenly I felt very happy. To the point where my lips can’t cover my teeth.
But alas, Xu Jiamu always seems to be going against my good mood.
I was still waiting for my results, Xu Jiamu told me that he had made up with his girlfriend.
He excitedly said how long he had planned to get back with that girl, how nervous he was before asking her, how happy he was after he succeeded, why they separated, why they got back together, and said he would never be separated from her again, and how happy he is now.
But I am so sad.
I know that having a crush on someone is an extremely sad one-man show. There is almost nothing in this world that I can’t achieve through day and night of hard work and unshakable determination, except for this. I want to grow up and tried to keep up with him day and night, and I have been steadfast in liking him for five years, but I still can’t get half of his response. I can’t even say a word of sadness to him, instead I had to reply, “Ah so sweet, I hope it lasts forever!”
I suddenly felt so tired. It was like running a race with no finish line. I always thought that if I persist a little longer, gave it a little more effort, I will see the finish line, but looking back I found that I was just lying to myself.
It’s time to let it go, Zhou Jingwei. I say this to myself, but before that I want to do one more thing.
I have probably spent all my life’s courage on this one.
I told my parents I was going on a graduation trip and booked a plane ticket to Shanghai by myself.
I didn’t plan to do anything, it’s not as if there’s anything I could do to change the situation either. And I still have my morals. I just want to go around the city that I take as my goal, to have one last look at the boy I cherished for so long, and to give the last five years of my life a conclusion.
After all, there will be no such opportunity in the future.
It was already afternoon when I got off the plane. I didn’t have time to eat or even find a hotel to put down my luggage. I was alone in a big unfamiliar city and everything around me made me panic. With the help of my phone’s GPS and the guidance of kind people, I managed to find Xu Jiamu’s university. I didn’t even plan to look for him. I saw his post on his friends’ circle that he is going out on a date with his girlfriend today, I just want to take a look from a distance, and I’ll give up.
I sat in front of the large French window in a fast-food restaurant opposite of the university, from noon to dusk, and from dusk till night, I was not worried about missing Xu Jiamu, because his figure was imprinted in my mind all too clearly, but I still kept a careful look out the window.
Sure enough, their university’s plaque is missing small corner, it looks a little sad for no reason. I didn’t find the Oden stall that he said was delicious, I don’t know if I didn’t find it or if it didn’t open today, I was curious about what the auntie’s explosive head looks like. I even wondered if I had broken the Guinness record for going the longest time without blinking.
Fortunately, my patience paid off. My eyesight is not that good but I saw Xu Jiamu at a glance. He was wearing a short-sleeved white T-shirt and he was carrying a lady’s bag that looked out of place. I couldn’t see the face of the sister next to him but she was wearing a white modern cheongsam style dress. She is not tall, her height reached right on Xu Jiamu’s shoulders and she is very thin. That is the girl who looks like a fairy in Xu Jiamu’s eyes.
I don’t know what Xu Jiamu said, that elder sister lightly hammered his shoulder and Xu Jiamu grabbed her hand instead of evading. I saw Xu Jiamu looking at the girl seriously, then he formed a circle with his thumb and index finger into a ring and then slowly and cherishingly, slipped it on the ring finger of the girl’s right hand. The elder sister shyly burrowed into Xu Jiamu’s arms, Xu Jiamu put one hand around the girl’s shoulder, and the other hand touched the girl’s head lovingly. He said something and the two looked at each other and smiled happily.
In fact, I could probably guess, he might’ve said something like, “Look, I’ve got you locked up this time, and we won’t be separated in the future.”
At this point, my five-year crush was completely over.
I don’t remember what happened later. But it was me who failed to complete the Shanghai promise. I chose a medical school in Beijing. After knowing my choice, Xu Jiamu gave me his blessing and said that he would take the opportunity to come to Shanghai with his son or daughter in the future, that I should invited him to dinner then, after that, Xu Jiamu and I never contacted each other again.
After I let go of this unforgettable secret love, I also had a very good relationship. Even if it didn’t work out in the end, I gradually healed from my past love. I am really a lucky person, and my life could be considered quite smooth.
After graduating, I transferred to a hospital in Hangzhou, which I thought of as fulfilling one of my wishes. I shared a house with my colleagues and had a stable income. Apart from being busy with work, there was nothing to complain about in my life.
Xu Jiamu, I am doing well, and I hope you are well too.
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